If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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