You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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