OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
