I need to stop coming to work sober
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
