The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
