How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
