as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
