Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
