It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
