I think my vagina is haunted
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
