where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
