My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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