i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
