i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
