we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
