Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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