you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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