We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
