Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want her autograph on my taint
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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