Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
