i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
