apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
