Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
