I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
