This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
