I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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