It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
