you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dear god my vagina.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
