I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
