Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i think i have two assholes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
