took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
