Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
