you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
