To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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