The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
