The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
