If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
