girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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