I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
