Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
