Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
