Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
