you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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