there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
