Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
