This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
