we have officially lost it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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