i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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