I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
