I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
birth control should be required to get into college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
