Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
