dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
