ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
